In this guest blog, Angela Catley, co-founder of When I Get Old (WIGO), reflects on her future, ageing alone with ”care” potentially on the horizon…

I am a single woman who is ageing without children, through choice as it happens but I know many people in a similar position for other, less positive, reasons. I have worked for my whole life in health, care and community development, most recently starting a small charity called When I Get Old, advocating for greater social care choice for all of our older selves.

I have said multiple times over the years that I am really scared of needing long term health or care services in older age. I know from experience that much of the health and care system is stretched far too thin and that some of the rest is driven as much by profit as people. The thought of entering those waters alone and possibly vulnerable, without advocacy or agency has always felt truly terrifying to me.

Then over the last few weeks several things have made me reflect on that (hard baked) position.

The first was the ridiculous comedy drama Ann Droid – where strong minded octogenarian Sue (played by Sue Johnson) is forced by her hapless son into the “care” of a humanoid robot called Linda. Silly scenarios unfold with unexpected and powerful lessons on assumptions and ageism. Linda was kind, attentive and her only role was to be totally focussed on Sue … ironically she offered real “human” connection. She helped Sue at home, to volunteer, to go on holiday, shop for clothes, grieve for her late husband, spend time with friends … to live her life. She really understood the importance of detail. She had time too … endless time, day and night.

As I watched, there was a real irony – born of the contrast between Sue’s experience and that of actual older people I know. Those who have “home care” offered by a real person. Care workers who might be amazing and skilled but are not given the time or chance to do their job as well as they would like, whose time is allocated to set tasks and rarely to helping people live a full life.

Then there are older people, like Sue, who have adult children who don’t really “see” them as people, with interests, relationships, passions, aspirations and loves … rather than as parents. Children who want Mam or Dad to be “safe” but don’t consider if that might be at odds with actually living life. Children who lead busy lives, with their own pressures and just want someone … anyone … to “deal” with the issue of Mam or Dad.

It made me question how much worse off I would be in Sue’s position, without the daft fictional robot of course … but also without the son.

I began to wonder.

The second thought provoker was a conversation with a friend, a social worker also AWOC, where I shared my fears, only to find she did not share them. My friend shared tales of older people with adult children that she had known over the years. One had forced an unsuspecting Dad to move to a care home against his will, another had made arrangements that kept Mam “safe” but made her miserable. Maybe these decisions were made in the parent’s best interests but maybe not … and no one really checked or seemed to care either way.

My friend was clear that she would rather take her chances and make her own choices and that really made me think. I find I am still trepidatious about my own social care future but, and this is a real shift for me, I am no longer terrified. I know I will need to plan and plan early. I may also need to consider who will advocate for me if I need that. But all in all perhaps entering care waters without children is no scarier than entering them as a parent! Food for thought.

Angela Catley